I’ve had experience with this subject, so I’m not just reeling off information I’ve gained from the Internet or read in books, even if some of that stuff does ring true! These are my personal views. This therefore means that they may not necessarily be completely correct, however I feel that for me, they are true and reliable.
Relationships can be fickle or secure. I have friends who’ve had many relationships that last for short periods of time, and friends that have been married for years.
I have had a few relationships in the past and I trust my gut completely for the majority of the time, when it tells me that something may be amiss. There are also two angles to this. The first addresses if you are in a relationship where you’re living together, (and this is what I’ll be discussing here), and the other where you live apart, (which I’ll write about in a future post).
Here’s my list of 10 reasons why I think that a relationship has bit the dust….
Bickering and arguing is unrelenting. From one day to the next it becomes exhausting when there’s constant friction with each other. On the other hand it can work the other way. You don’t respond at all to a partner making criticisms or being hurtful to you because you actually don’t feel anything for that person anymore. You therefore haven’t any energy to respond because quite frankly, you no longer care.
In the beginning your partner was the one you wanted to share your life with and tell all the important bits of information to about your working day, or how good your night out was with your friends or the interesting piece of gossip you’d heard. When you no longer care, you seem to lose interest in their responses to the things you say.
One of you wants to seek help from say a marriage guidance counsellor and your partner doesn’t. This shows that they’re not interested in working out the problems with the relationship, (which shouldn’t be frowned upon). It may be that the one who’s not interested in seeking a solution has their reasons for giving up. Sometimes seeing a counsellor on an individual basis can be more beneficial because then you are free to talk openly about the problems in the relationship.
You may feel that the relationship has become a chore, that the fun has gone, the lack of romance has disappeared and there’s no longer any future for you both. One may feel this way and the other may not, however you both need be on the same page.
You both can’t quite work out what the problem is between you both, but there definitely is one. One of the biggest things here is the lack of open communication. If you try and talk about the issues and your partner becomes guarded and refuses to address anything, they either don’t want to face the fact that the relationship no longer works and they are just content to plod along.
External factors can be an issue here. The reasons to stay could be to do with family or cultural pressures, financial stability, children and so on…These are things that create environments where you are basically living together like flat mates, and where is the fulfilment in that? Unless, that’s not an issue for you both. A lack of intimacy, affection or sex can begin to wear people down. They may look for extra-marital affairs because there’s no substance at home. This then opens up another can of worms!
Your partner may come out with the classic line ‘I don’t even know you anymore?’. This is because we may become so distant and detached from each other that we seem to be different people. We’re not! We have become different in our relationship and how we interact with our spouse.
Trust is an important part of a happy and secure relationship. If you feel that there’s no longer any love, and you question each other’s motives and what they’re doing when they’re not with you, then this is definitely an issue that is damaging to both.
Spending time together is something that you no longer want to do. Making excuses because you don’t enjoy each other’s company anymore, is a tell tale sign that your relationship is not working. Do you still laugh together? That’s a good question to ask yourself too.
Criticism. Firstly, in a relationship, you need to be true yourself, and accept that your partner loved you for your little quirks and differences. When these things start to grate on your nerves and you no longer see the good in your partner, this can come through by constantly criticising these differences for just being who you are, and that’s incredibly unfair! This is where the roots of destructive relationships develop because the constant fault-finding can grind you down, make you lose your confidence in yourself and demean you as a human being. And that’s only because your partner no longer sees your worth, which is their issue and not yours!
These are some of the reasons that I think that a relationship is over. What do your think? x Pip