I think we have all been there at one time or another. Somebody comes along, makes you feel good about yourself, pays you lots of attention with texts and calls, tells you how beautiful you are and how wonderful you make them feel, until a few months down the line you’ve fell for them hook, line and sinker, and you realise that something’s not quite right. You may start to have a niggling feeling in the back of your mind that you are being used, but you brush it off because there’s no way that would happen to you,and there’s no way you would let somebody treat you like that. Yet lots of people are used in relationships and get so used to these feelings that they become desensitised to it, so it becomes a normal part of everyday life.
If you feel like you’re the giver in the relationship, and seem to go out of your way to make them happy, alarm bells should ring. You may want to question their motives for doing things, reasons why they don’t call, and behaviour that insults you, but you feel wary about raising the issue because your partner may sigh and say you’re being silly and that YOU are reading into it too much.
If you do have the feeling you’re being used by your partner, then trust your gut feeling because you probably are. Here’s 10 signs that you are being used:
1…They want intimacy with you but will give you no sign of commitment. They may shower you with compliments, tell you how much they love you and what a great person you are. When they have had sex or intimacy, their feelings cool and they will be on their merry way, until they feel horny again. Also be careful you’ve not become their bit on the side, if his phone rings (and it’s his wife), you wont see his arse for dust!
2…Be careful early on in the relationship if you feel that it’s you that’s paying for lots of stuff. Meals out, drinks, driving to places; it all adds up. If you are receiving no contribution, you are definitely being used. It’s great to be an independent woman, but don’t let someone take the piss out of your good nature!
3…They never do anything romantic with you that they know will make you feel happy and loved. What girl doesn’t love a sweet bunch of flowers from time to time, a small gift or a card for a birthday, a meal out or a weekend away. If you don’t see at least one of these now and again, there’s something amiss. And it doesn’t have to cost much. Even a hand written note to tell you what you mean to them speaks volumes.
4…Be extremely careful if you seem to be going days without hearing from them. They could be with someone else.
5…They seem to call or text you when they are bored. I remember going out with a guy once who said to me (bearing in mind I’d not seen or heard from him for around 2 weeks), “Well, if you fancy popping out somewhere let me know. I could really do with getting out and having some fun; I need it to cheer me up”. Notice the word ‘I’? And intermittently he spent those 5 minutes with his attention distracted by gawping at a woman looking into a shop window over the road.
6…They don’t want an exclusive relationship with you and will want to keep their options open. They may have commitment issues and see you as just a bit of fun, and will not want anything serious. You will become aware of this after a while and realise you both want different things. It’s a bit of a git, finding out your partner wants something different from the relationship than you when you’ve fallen in love with them. Upfront honesty from the start is important.
7.. They very rarely do anything nice for you, and when on the odd occasion they do, you find it quite overwhelming and you’ll start to feel love and appreciated. When they do something like this you suddenly think you have the best partner in the world.
8… They may ask you to do favours for them even if it’s awkward for you. They will take advantage of a giving heart and a generous attitude.
9…If you have a worry on your mind, you need a little help with something or you need an occasional favour, they are nowhere to be seen. Beware of telling your partner something that is worrying you and they fail to ask you how you are. This is total ignorance.
10.. You don’t really know any of their friends or family. You may have met them at some point, but you have never had quality time getting to know them. If your boyfriend or girlfriend keeps you out of sight in public, seems concerned if they see someone they know or wants to keep you out of the way, they could be cheating, or worse be married! and then you’re really being used.
Any relationship is never 100% perfect, yet one that makes you feel loved, happy and truly wanted is possible. I have friends that do have relationships like this where there seems to be a partnership with give and take with feelings of true respect for each other.
Anyone can say with heartfelt words that they love you, but they are words. If a partner proves their love to you by their actions, which gives you feelings of self-worth, confidence, respect and a consideration for your feelings then that is the basis for a healthy partnership.