What makes a great relationship? Whenever people are asked this question you will get a multitude of answers. Generally, the most important ones are love, commitment, happiness and stability. Relationships are strange things. We can fall in love with someone and yet feel unhappy.
I will discuss many different relationships within my blog, starting with this one which is the greatest taboo, having a relationship with a married man or woman. For arguments sake, I’ll presume it’s a woman dating a married man, yet it can be used in a vice versa situation.
1. Firstly, cheating on a married partner, however unhappy you are, shows that basically you cannot deal with the situation your life is in. A man in a marriage, however miserable, is not dealing with his issues head on.
2. It’s extremely doubtful that he will commit to a future with you; so if you’re a woman dating a married man, it’s extremely important to wake up to the reality, that he may never leave his wife for you. However unhappy he may feel with his present situation, not doing anything about it is basically saying, without words, that nothing will change. Don’t kid yourself, but try to be realistic with the situation, even if it hurts. To hear the words ‘I love you’ and ‘I want to spend my life with you’ are just that, ‘words’. Do not confuse him saying he loves you to loving you enough to make a commitment to you. They mean two very different things.
3. Keeping your relationship a secret can be demeaning to your own self-esteem. You cannot tell your friends or family about the relationship like you would if you were both single. Remember: no holidays away together and meeting his family, etc. You will feel unimportant and become resentful over time, of the lack of attention and the growing feelings of insignificance as the ‘other woman’.
4. Then, there’s the thought of loving someone that can be completely comfortable knowing he is disrespecting the woman he made a commitment to. A man should show proper respect to each woman, either to continue, faithful in his marriage, or to man-up and tell his wife he wants out.
5. Then there’s having the best of both worlds. For the people around him, he has the proper legitimate relationship to gain respect from family and friends; and then he has the woman who makes up for what he’s missing in his marriage; the substitute. Eventually, bitterness will set in.
6. The woman is the accomplice in helping a man violate the vows he made in law to his wife. Like it or not, and you may find it difficult to consider, you are as guilty as him.
7. For him not to end his marriage with his wife and begin a loving relationship with you, if he says that’s what he wants, are actions that speak louder than words. It’s never going to happen. If it was, it would have happened a long time ago.
8. As you get older, life seems to speed up. A relationship with a married man/woman can seem comfortable, plodding along for a long time, if you let it. You will wake up one day and realise years are passing by and you are missing the chance of a loving healthy relationship with someone that will flourish and, hopefully, have a happy outcome.
Some women get involved in relationships without even realising that the other person is married. They may have been fooled for a long time, and, before they become aware of it, have fallen in love.
Usually, the first 6 months in any relationship can be fun, and consist of getting to know each other. After this, it becomes serious and you may feel that you want to share a life with this person. If you feel this way, this is perfectly normal and you must never feel guilty for it. A healthy relationship progressively moves forward, that’s just how life is; simple as that. It either culminates in a loving partnership or it ends. The sort of relationship I’ve discussed in this post will inevitably hit a brick wall. It needs to go somewhere, and a relationship with a married man will probably not go anywhere, I’m afraid.
Think also about his wife. She has done nothing wrong, and is probably unaware of the situation. You have a responsibility to take control for all involved and do what’s best for everyone.
If he loves you as much as he says he does, he’ll prove it. If it’s not happened after a year or so, god forbid, it never will.
PS: Last thought (put the shoe on the other foot for a moment) – If you were in a married relationship with someone you didn’t love, yet you were in love with someone else who was the love of your life, you wanted to make a life with them and you couldn’t bear being apart, would you be content staying where you were in an unhappy relationship, knowing the one you really love was available and could be snapped up at any given moment?