Clapped Out Corsa

3 years ago, I became a single woman, of which I’m eternally grateful for, and due to my lack of transportation, my uncle who is a car mechanic, got me an oldish car from an auction. His mate, also a car mechanic, spruced it up for me and it has served me and my purposes very well up to this day. The mileage was high 3 years ago but now it’s done 147k and it still keeps going. It is completely roadworthy and just about passed its last MOT, but through wear and tear its just kind of giving up. The guy that did the MOT told me quite plainly “You know the car, you know what’s been done to it and it keeps going. If it keeps going, don’t get rid of it”. He had a commanding voice and I couldn’t argue with him.

I have a very bad cold at the moment and I’m off work. So, because of this I have a bit too much time on my hands so I decided earlier to draw a diagram of my car with arrows, describing all it’s little quirks. I hope you enjoy reading it:

Sorry. If I enlarge the diagram any further the writing will be blurred, so you will have to click on it I’m afraid. I haven’t quite mastered the whole blogging thing yet, I am still an amateur.

1…I have had a dodgy wing mirror for the last 2 years and can’t be arsed to get it fixed properly. A couple of disgusting jobless layabouts, yanked the thing off my car when it was parked outside my mums. I bought a replacement mirror from amazon for about 5 quid and attached it onto the pins on the back of the device that was left, with superglue and a hairband, (I haven’t got a fella to help me!) this fell off a few days later, so I bought another and used black tape to attach it back on. It passed the MOT so it must be OK. Looks a bloody mess though!

2…Drivers side window will not open. When this whole farce started with the window it was just a bit erratic, with occasional stops in mid-movement caused by the window switch. I really miss good old fashioned wind up windows ๐Ÿ™ย  This wasn’t so bad then because I could still go through the drive-thru at McDonalds and the staff felt sorry for me so they used to post the fries through the 1 inch section I could just about open. One at a time I may add; they got a bit cold though after 5 minutes. Anyhoo, eventually it just gave up, the window, and my uncle forced it into its place, put a bit of tape over the switch inside the door to remind me not to press it and it’s been shut ever since. I really have to get it sorted. It’s even become embarrassing at the car park because I have to open the door real quick to pull out my ticket before the barrier closes. Having a cranky car really does impact on your everyday life.

3…I noticed 4 months ago that the floor behind me in the back was damp and wet in rainy weather. It puzzled me for ages and I took it down to the garage and they told me it could be to do with a small gap in my drivers side window rubber frame thingy that letting in water and it runs along and down and saturates the floor. It’s a pain.

4…1 year ago my car failed to start one morning. I rang the AA and the guy, well it’s a really long drawn out story, but basically the electrics didn’t work and the car went dead. He hit a spot on the dashboard and it came to life and started. Apparently, this can happen to the Corsa. A pin in the dashboard pops out, this controls the electrics. To get the car started again you have to basically belt it as hard as you can to pop the pin back in. I have to do this about once every 2 weeks. Another pain in the arse!

5…My left indicator switch is dicky. It works but its very, very delicate. You know when you press your normal indicator arm up or down and once you’ve turned it rights itself automatically, well mine doesn’t. I have to push it back up. Another pain in the arse!

6…Bottom panel is detached but still on as it were. A bolt or pin needs pushing back on but I’m not sure how to do it. I’m sure this is also letting in water.

7…Deep scratch on right panel. Probably made by a supermarket trolley whose owner was too lazy to put it back into its correct pod place or whatever home they live in.

8…Dent to passenger side panel.

9…CD player with a mind all of it’s own. It just hates me and pukes out my favourite CD’s at those emotional guitar solo moments. Oh Ffs!!! I regularly shout!

10… Labrador nose smudges. Quite cute these don’t you think?

11… Bent radio antenna. This has never altered the superb radio reception. I sometimes get radio Luxembourg but this may be due to a particularly windy day and it’s bending contortions.

12…Temperamental passenger side window switch. This window is definitely on it’s way to becoming redundant too, just like the other. I don’t think I’ll be able to cope if this gives out because the car is a 3 door and this is the only way I can get some air circulation.

So what do you think? Do you feel I deserve a round of applause? The thing is, when all these little bits keep going wrong and falling off I just think, well, the cars not going to last much longer and as long as its legal Ill just put up with it, but the thing is, it just keeps going and going and it gets me to work every day so I can’t really complain.

I also haven’t made any of this up, my car is what you would call in this country a ‘banger’ and I think I’ll miss it when it packs up.

PS… If anyone wants to buy me a new car the ford fiesta is very nice ๐Ÿ˜‰

PPS.. I forgot to mention the other after effect I expรฉrience from the dicky indicator switch. Because its so loose and delicate, sometimes after I’ve shut my car door with a bit too much gusto it somehow, and I can’t really explain it, puts the lights on. Not full on, but kind of half on. A few times I’ve come out a few hours later and noticed my lights are on. So I now have a bit of OCD with checking if my lights are on when I lock my car. Another pain in the arse ????


  • M.L. James

    Hilarious post! Don’t know about you, but between the quirks of your car and my car issues, I think it’s about time to send them both out to pasture! Alas, if only we could. I keep telling myself that mine’s got to hold on just a little longer.

    Okay, Pip, when either of us wins the megamillion dollar/pound lottery (do y’all have a lottery across the ocean? ), you and I are going out and getting brand new vehicles, the expensive ones, with that brand new, expensive car smell — to go with brand new driveways to our brand new, expensive homes! Deal? ๐Ÿ™‚


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *