“We are changing the way you pay your credit card. We have created easier ways to pay. You will no longer be able to pay your card with this automated service and it will only be made available until the 14th March. We are doing this because we know and you know that it’s going to create big problems for all you people out there that are crap at using any form of technology like computers and online apps. If your first name is ‘Pip’ we are fully aware that you will have a struggle to get the other forms of payments up and running and you’ll be pulling your bloody hair out. The reason we have done this is to really piss you off. If you would like to hear this message again please press 1, if you would like to hear your current balance press 2 and if this has completely ruined your forthcoming banking experience, your day as a whole, your will to live then, you can hang up now!”
So this is what I had to contend with. My Credit card company had decided to ring in the changes once again, for a higher level of security for its customers. So, after a good few years of simple telephone banking and paying my credit card with my debit card by telephone, I can no longer do this.
1st Option: Register online with the banking service. This took me 2 bloody hours! Finally, I had the screen set up, all passwords sorted and info updated, but I couldn’t find the link to make a payment. I asked the online chat person…
“Hello, how can I help”, My name is Portellicus
“Hi”, I said, “I’ve just registered online for paying my credit card, but there isn’t a link for payments”
“Ok, If you look on the left-hand side there is a ‘Make a payment button”
“Are you looking at the home screen?”
“Yes”, I said. “It’s not there”
“ Ok,” said Portellicus, “If you don’t mind waiting a moment I will get back to you”
4 Years later.
“Sorry for the wait”. If you would like to ring this number…………You will be assisted further”
“So you’re passing the book then,” I said. “ I thought this whole change around was supposed to make payments easier?
I rang the number and was advised that if I liked using telephone banking in the past, I could arrange a balance transfer by ringing my bank and arranging it. It’s so much quicker said Portellicus’s Colleague, Andromeda. It will be so much quicker she said. I rang my bank and was waiting for that long on the telephone to get through, that I gave up.
All of this actually took me in total nearly 3 hours and I still haven’t set it up. I had to search my drawers for my chequebook, which I haven’t used for donkey’s years and write a cheque. I then had to buy some envelopes, because I’ve not posted a bill for aeons, bought a stamp, actually I had to buy a book of 6!!! And post it, and allow 5 working days for delivery.
So after all that, the foretold quickness has taken me nearly half a working day to set up something that didn’t work in the first place. And, to top that all off, I had to post off a bloody cheque.
Does this drive you crazy too? Or am I just a simpleton?Follow...!