Just over a year ago, I was fortunate enough to pass and study a course to enable me to teach English as a foreign language. On the first day, we were given a sheet as a kind of icebreaker about the way grammar can be used in the wrong way. To be honest, even native English speakers like myself get it wrong sometimes because the English language can be so complicated. Even young children struggle with using terms such as goed for went, ranned for run and lighted for lit. It’s understandable that as we grow up in our countries and learn our mother tongues, we are taught early on how to use the correct word in the correct context. If it’s placed in the wrong position, it can create huge guffaws of laughter because our language can indirectly create innuendos that we never intended. Imagine what it’s like for speakers of other languages that are trying to master yours?
I’m learning French at the moment and there are small little ways of pronunciation that we are taught to use to avoid making an embarrassing remark. Repeter (sorry for not using the accent above the ‘e’, I haven’t got the facility on my computer), for instance, when pronounced wrongly would mean ‘Fart’ and not ‘Can you repeat yourself!’. So, piss taking aside, I understand totally how difficult it is to pronounce a word properly or to make sure I am putting the correct word in the right place within a sentence.
I wanted to share these funny hotel descriptions from around the world. You can see where they have gone slightly wrong, nevertheless, the descriptions are totally charming.
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
Please to bathe inside the tub.
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. (This is funny. What they meant to say was, If you need the chambermaid for something, do not fail to take advantage of the service. To take advantage of someone in English means to use her for sexual favours basically, and that’s just not on is it!!!)
Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner. Cooles and Heates. If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself. ( I think they meant to say, ‘If you want to warm up your room please make use of the controller on the wall’ or wherever it was. To say ‘Control yourself’ means that you may be inclined to have a wayward nature and cannot control your actions.)
Guests are requested not to smoke or do other disgusting behaviours in bed.
Depositing the room key into another person is prohibited. (Into is definitely the wrong word. It’s a bit like asking them to swallow it! I think they mean ‘Giving your room key to someone else is against the rules’)
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
Berlin cloakroom. Please hang yourself here. (No definitely don’t hang yourself you’ll be committing suicide and that’s against the law. Please hang your coats here sounds better)
It is our intention to pleasure you every day. (Ohhh now that is fruity! and of a sexual nature which is ‘what to pleasure someone’ means. Their intention is great though, they want to make sure you have a pleasurable experience)
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 AM daily.
In order to prevent shoes from mislaying, please don’t corridor them. The management cannot be held.
Please leave your values at the front desk.
Name of a hotel in France: Hotel de Bastard.
Wondering what to wear? A sports jacket may be worn to dinner, but no trousers. (Errr, no sports trousers I think; going down the stairs with your wedding tackle on show will make the dinner guests choke on their sausages)
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
Across from a Russian Orthodox monastery. You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursdays.
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm’s own make, limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger, roasted duck let loose, beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion. (Can you imagine a roasted duck let loose, quacking and waddling around the hotel lobby? I think they mean, a duck that’s been left to roam a peaceful life in a field before it was served on your plate)
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
Special today-no ice cream
We have a nice bath and are very good in bed. (Ohhh la la, the Swiss are vain with their prowess in the sack. I think they have ‘good beds’which is better)
The manager has personally passed all the water served here. (I love this one. The manager has passed all his personal water for everyone to enjoy. Kind of don’t fancy this do you? Rather, he passed the water by means of a water tester device) He’s not only a manager but a caretaker.
Please do not bring solicitors into your room.
Included with the package of complimentary wares in a Chinese Hotel was a pair of workout shorts marked: Uncomplimentary pants.
Good appearance please no watermelon please
Choose twin bed or marriage size; we regret no King Kong size. (I’ve always wanted a King Kong size bed. What a great idea!)
Measles not included in room charge.
This hotel is renowned for its peace and solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.
Please dial 7 to retrieve your auto from the garbage.
Suggestive views from the window. (I think it means ‘We suggest that you take a look at the lovely views from your window’, suggestive views implies there’s a nudist beach across the road)
If service is required, give two strokes to the maid and three to the waiter. It is kindly requested from our guests that they avoid dirting and doing rumours in the rooms. Hot and cold running up and down the stairs.
Instructions in case of fire: If you are unable to leave your room, expose yourself in the window. ( Just make sure someone can see you, but please please don’t expose yourself, you’ll get arrested)
I hope you’ve enjoyed reading these. I’m struggling with learning French at the minute so I completely understand the problems language learners face. Funny though!! x