I was out having lunch with a friend around a week ago, and we were having a chat about relationships. She’d been through a particularly hard time and was being basically ignored by the man she loved. I felt really sorry for her because she had given everything of herself, and had had her generosity thrown back into her face.

Have you ever been treated this way? If you have I really sympathise. I think the most awful thing in the world is to move along in a relationship with someone that you have completely and hopelessly fallen in love with, only to be treated so shabby that it causes you emotional and physical pain. We were both discussing how you can give of yourself so thoroughly, let your guard down and make yourself so vulnerable to the point of accepting any form of treatment, so long as your lover remains with you.

When the person ignores you for days by not texting or calling, it leaves you anxious and wondering about something you may have done or said wrong.  You imagine them in another’s arms, having fun and blanking you from their mind. And then, because of this grief, you cry, feel alone and grapple with feelings of emptiness.

And Yes, I can testify to that feeling most sincerely.  I’ve felt shitty, fat, ugly, insignificant, used and tortured by their quietness and disregard.

She had come to the conclusion that he was the sort of guy that was bored of his life and was using her as a diversion, with no intention of having a future with her. She felt it would not bother him about the end of the relationship as he would move on to someone else. I think it’s really sad, that her good nature was seen as a weakness and he abused her emotionally. She’d not long escaped from a truly mentally abusive relationship, and she really didn’t need any more crap!

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about our conversation and I’ve  written a small verse. I hope it doesn’t come across to you as being corny; and if it does, please give me a slap!

Choicest pearl, rare and exposed

Prised open with a promise of trust

Brought out of her depths, and given a voice

Yet had already been kicked underfoot.

To find her was to dive, rescue and sustain for a time

And hold her aloft with his delicate touch

Yet he threw her deep down in the gutter of grief

And bruised her fragile heart underfoot.

He placed her, the pearl,  at the back for to perish

His decision she waited, whilst the others they flourished

She plodded, then trudged with her patience at fracture

The pearl, ripped open and pitched underfoot.





  • M.L. James

    You clearly know how precious and worthy your friend is, I so wish she understood her own worth as well! This reminds me of that saying — Do not cast your pearls before swine! I’m glad you’re such a good friend to her! I think many of us have had our hearts trampled on, but you learn over time! Sending virtual hugs across the pond and milk and cookies too!

    • Pip

      You are correct Mona. I definitely feel that the decisions we make and the treatment we sometimes tolerate, can be clouded by feelings of love. And it’s funny but I thought of that scripture too in Mathew, a very popular one. By not casting our goodness to the ones that don’t deserve it, means we are keeping our self-esteem in check and valuing our true worth. I think a good friend or two is really important, and a support network helps greatly. x

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