An Ode to Painting Walls to the Tune of ‘If You’re Happy and You Know it Clap Your Hands’

Yesterday afternoon and onward throughout the evening I was incredibly agitated and sweating profusely whilst painting the last few walls of my sitting room with white emulsion.It was a horrid experience. I was cursing and getting myself into a right old lather so I was, as I encountered lumps galore and uneven coverage. I decided earlier to write a little ditty about my decorating experience. I hope you like it:

Please hum the tune ‘If you’re happy and you know it….’.

Before you start to paint take some advice,

Intensely listen, read and then please be precise,

If you don’t you’ll make a mess,

Give yourself alot of stress,

Then unfortunately you will pay the price.

(Like I did yesterday) 

Take the lid off tin and please begin to stir,

50 times at least I think I can concur,

If you don’t I will admit,

The paint will be as thin as shit,

You’ll be swearing, stamping feet it will occur.

Each time you spread the paint there will be lumps,

You’ll pick them off and try and hide the bumps,

Your tray will start to tip,

They’ll be lots of little drips,

It will fall around you inbetween your jumps.

Put pets in other rooms and close the doors,

Dust the house and then please hoover over floors,

If you don’t the hairs will float,

Stick to walls and to your throat,

You’ll be coughing, cursing, want an antidote.

In conclusion when you paint please heed this tale,

I hope I’ve written it this time to no avail,

Buy a paint that’s very thick,

Costing more will do the trick,

And your decorating then will never fail.

(You can have a pint of ale or a cocktail)

PS…You’ll have the time you see. You’ll finish earlier therefore have more time for an alcoholic drink!