I’ve been a bit of a naughty girl tonight and feeling totally down in the dumps. You know how it is sometimes; nobody loves me, I really am a fat doughnut, I try and try and get nothing back, blah blah blah. So last week I lose 8Ibs because I was going to a wedding and I was adamant the dress I bought was going to fit, and now tonight I’ve gone through a bit of a meltdown and consumed a whole bar of dairy milk chocolate, a bag of wotsits, a bottle of Dr Pepper, a pain au chocolat and 2 Weetabix. I’ve not eaten a proper dinner, I’ve just felt sorry for myself and eaten crap basically, and now I feel guilty for being greedy and out of control. And then I was thinking about all the food that I love to eat when I’m feeling depressed, and chocolate figures in all of it. And then I reflected on the food I love to eat the most, you know like my favourite meal. And then the food that brings back memories, the food I eat if I’m ill, dieting and so on and so on. So here goes:
My perfect meal would be.. Samosa starter, Lamb biryani and a chocolate cheesecake, but not necessarily in that order. I may eat the pudding first. oh, and not forgetting 2 pints of lager because I’m feminine like that!
The 3-course meal that would definitely make me vom would be: Mussels, Rare steak and strawberries and cream. Some people do find it hard to believe that I dislike strawberries. I cannot abide the smell of them. I am quite sad about this because I know that they are very good for you.
Foods I couldn’t bear to eat a year ago, but I now quite like them: Prawns and Mustard.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d like a prawn but they are quite nice. I don’t like the look of them though. And English mustard packs a punch and gives some life to bland food.
Food I would never eat if someone paid me a substantial amount of money: Duck.
Duck on a pretentious food board, where all the sauce goes spilling off the edge. I despise food served on boards and I cringe when I see the word ‘moist’. So to announce on a menu that they have ‘Moist duck served on a board’ would fill me with dread. Hang on, that picture looks like a pancake, or is it a board?!! Well never mind, it’s a crispy duck that once waddled on pastures green quacking at its mates and being really cute, so I’m not having it.
Food to eat when your feeling like you just can’t take any more crap! Dairy Milk.
A food for total comfort when you’ve had a hard day at work and you want to relax and watch TV, a foodstuff to savour. Cheese on toast with Worcester sauce.
A food item for breakfast that will definitely fill you up till lunchtime. Porridge Oats.
A food item that you can eat if you’re having a movie night in with the dog. The Custard Cream biscuit. One for me, one for you Dexter, one for me and one for you Dexter, one for me and one for you D… Hang on, you,ré à Labrador, you’ll get a big fat belly
The dieters substitute for bread. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone with a smile on their face when eating one of these. If you can imagine eating the bottom of a birdcage then you have a good idea of how one of these dry chipboard looking crispbreads would taste.
Food for when your ill and you can keep something inside your tum. Chicken Soup.
I’m my opinion it has to be Heinz. Obviously, you wouldn’t even attempt to eat this if you were suffering from projectile vomiting, but if you can keep something inside this soup generally boosts you up.
Food to break you out into a cold sweat. The Wedding Cake. I can’t even bring myself to show a picture of one so I’ll leave it there. Your wedding cake, however, may fill you with much joy and I applaud that. But my experience…Errr, Nuff said! And moving on…..
My Great Grandmother, or Gran, as we called her was born in 1898. She’s obviously no longer here. When I was a little girl I used to go to her bungalow for dinner when I was in junior school and she used to make one of these once in a while. This pudding always reminds me of her. x
The food item to eat for a low point treat when your dieting and want a quick chocolate fix. The Jaffa Cake. Can you stop at one though, now that takes some willpower? Probably best not to have one. But if you’re desperate then these are a safe bet.
This is the first fast food stall I aim for when I reach the seaside. For three reasons. 1, They taste great, 2, Pure nostalgia and 3, Because it’s always pissing raining when you go anywhere in the UK for a holiday and you just want something to cheer you up and remind you that the hot dog is one of the reasons why your there in the first place as you walk around in your waterproof jacket and wellies.
Food for raging heartburn. A cold banana. I’m not going to post a picture of a banana because I’m sure you’re familiar with their colour and shape. A banana is a well-known anecdote (or is it antedote?)… Beg pardon, anecdote is a little story, not a heartburn remedy!, for when you have the distress of indigestion. If you have the foresight to place a banana in the fridge before you know you’ll have that last lard laden pastry sausage roll, you are forearmed and ready. Actually, better than that, don’t eat crap in the first place. I’m a fine one to talk.
It’s a robust spherical bugger, isn’t it? A veggie that tastes quite nice but by god, you need muscles like Arnie Swartzneeger (misspelt I think), to cut this big boy into chunks. Why is it so tough? Answers appreciated!
PS..It’s 3 am and I’m still wide awake after having written this post. I think I’ll have a hot chocolate to make me sleepy!