The Sun’s Contribution to my Series of Unfortunate Events

The sun came out today, which my family and friends were very pleased about. 3 weeks ago England had a one-off day of lovely sunshine. It wasn’t hot, even though us Brits try and stretch our imaginations when recollecting a warm day, it was around the 15 degree mark; pleasant and hazy. It made me feel Tres bien, In uno stato d’amino vacanziero and yearning for a Nadar en el mar.

These feelings made me hanker for a new sun bed, which I subsequently ordered from my catalogue, a bright pink shade (to attract flies and biting insects), as you can tell, I am not the brightest button in the box. Unfortunately, the sun disappeared the following day, so that when my sun-bed finally arrived 2 days later, I unpacked it to check all the nuts and bolts were fixed together, provided my 3 cats with a good hours amusement, and then popped it down to the shed where it’s remained until today, whereupon I positioned it in a spot facing the sun.

I don’t know if you have issues when spending time in your garden but I seem to attract or experience stuff that always seems to create a totally non-relaxing day, even though this is what I want.

All these things make me constantly get up! And I just wanted to sit.

1…My sun-bed position…I always do this. I hang out my washing which is necessary on a temperate day, lay back with my body horizontal for total relaxation and get whopped on the head by the arm of a coat sleeve or the edge of a towel. Why oh why, do I put my sun-bed directly underneath my rotary washing line? It’s a rhetoric question for myself which I cannot answer, but I always do it. Irritating!

2…Cat fight… My cats have a scrap. They wait, I’m certain a good five minutes, and then they just can’t help themselves.

3…Dog Mithering…My Labrador has a very short attention span and wants to play for most of his life, which is OK, but when he’s just been out for an hours walk with his doggy friends and comes home to relax, it’s just too impossible for him. So, he mithers me with the constant placing of a slobbery tennis ball on my legs, which I throw because I feel sorry for him.

4…Bonfires…Inevitably there will always be a bonfire. Not a small one, but a raging melt your eyebrows one, where someone has decided that it’s a hot day, their neighbours are relaxing in the sun, pegged their washing out and decided to burn their old shed down or the 8 knackered fence panels that got blown out last winter.

5…Knats…Nasty, bity, buzzy, irritating little blighters. They spy a fluorescent pink sun-bed and nose-dive down to eat its occupant. I have 9 bitemarks.

6…The speed of weed growth…I don’t notice the weeds between the slabs that much when I run in and out of the garden in the colds of Autumn and Winter, but they seem to grow at an alarming rate when I’m staring at them for a few hours in the garden. I must keep getting up and having a pull.

7…Servant duties for snacks…I close my eyes to finally drift off and I hear the voices ‘Mum, can you get me something to eat?

8…Psychopathic wasp in beer…They really don’t like humans at all do they? I’ve always taught my children to never wave their arms around thus provoking an angry wasp. However, remembering my own advice last year, I was walking out of my front porch, turned to lock the door and a wasp flew down and stung me on the ankle for no reason whatsoever. It hurt like hell for a couple of days and my advice now is if you see a wasp, run for your life!

9…Basketball Pummelling…My son will always come out when I have my drink positioned on the outside table and play basketball with the net being only 5 metres away from me. I get hit probably about 5 times in 5 minutes before I eventually just hold up my hands in surrender, take my glass inside and watch the TV.

How do you spend your summer days? Is it pleasant?