20 Things I’ll Never Do Again!

Have you ever heard the saying ‘I’ve done that and got the T-Shirt’? Well, it does generally imply that you’ve actually done something in the past and will never do it again. This saying to me has always signified a complete reluctance to do the said ‘Thing’ again in the future, and if I ever did, I would have to bear the terrible consequences of my actions.

Anyhoo, here is a list of things I would never do again and for good reason. Explanations are given.

1. Go on an aircraft – I am a flying phobic. I have tried, numerous times over the last 30 years to overcome this fear with constant encouragement and flight crash statistics given to me by well-meaning friends to quell my fears. Every time I go on one of the things, I become more fearful than the time before and have anxiety attacks. I don’t like it full stop, and I refuse to go on one again.
2. Watch the film ‘The Color Purple’. It is by far one of my favourite films. But I spend two-thirds of the time crying throughout because it’s so sad. Never again.
3. Bring home an item of clothing that I’ve not tried on. I do this all the time, but I just have a fat arse and convince myself it’s smaller than it really is. Who am kidding?… Myself, obviously 🙁
4. Eat any form of sea creature. Horrible blobby things in any shape or form. I had a bad bout of food poisoning once after eating a cockle. It’s just not worth it.
5. Walk more than 100 metres in a new pair of heels. I’ve had foot blisters for weeks.
6. Say I’ll do a favour for someone with a good intentional heart, but then have to let them down. I have got to learn to say NO! From this day forward this is what I’m going to do.
7. Go on any form of car journey whilst drinking large amounts of liquid at the same time. Self-explanatory really.
8. Get married. Never again!!!!
9. Drink copious amounts of alcohol when I have work the following morning. You feel like shite all day!
10. Buy a second-hand rust bucket of a  car without  having it checked by a qualified car mechanic. There are companies that will do this for you. It’s worth checking for prices.
11. Wash up without rubber gloves. I’ve cut my hands times on broken glasses, etc.
12. Buy an item of clothing or something for my children and leaving myself broke for the rest of the week. Your heart may be good and you want the best for your kids, but doing this can be very silly indeed. You’ll be living on potatoes and beans for a week.
13. Ride a horse or a donkey. I had a horrid experience as a child. I was riding a donkey on a beach in an English seaside resort, and thought it would be a good idea to shout my dog over from the deck chairs my parents were sitting on. The dog ran over, (a whippet,  the fastest living thing on four legs) and proceeded to chase the bloody donkey I was sitting on. I used every ounce of strength I had to stay put; my parents were screaming, I was screaming, the donkey man was screaming and the poor mule was hee-hawing. The rest of the beach I imagine was laughing uncontrollably at the mad spectacle unfolding before their eyes. It’s put me off for life. I was 8 years old by the way and have refused from that day on to ever ride a donkey again.
14. Go on any sort of boat for a trip around an Island on a windy day. Bleugh!!!
15. Sunbathe for hours on end. I’m no spring chicken anymore, and I can’t take the heat and the redness.
16. Go out with friends and listen to 80s music. This is my idea of torture.
17. Laugh at a joke I don’t get. You will be asked to explain it and you’ll wish the ground would open up and swallow you whole! Highly embarrassing.
18. Stroke my cat when she’s sleeping. She scratched my eye once, it hurt for days.
19. Ask for a curry at a restaurant without stating the spicy threshold my tongue will take. My last Jalfrezi blew my head off!!
20. Wear a pair of tights to work without taking a spare pair. I always develop a ladder as long as my leg first thing in the morning,  and then spend the rest of the day looking like a second rate floozy!

What things would you never do again?

X Pip