Do Not Under Any Circumstances……..
Buy an item of clothing before trying it on. â I always imagine myself to be a size smaller than I actually am, so in turn I bring home the piece of clothing and itâs too tight.
Use a mobile phone whilst driving a car â This is actually against the law, yet I still see people do it all the time. How the hell can people drive with two hands when they’re talking on the phone?
Eating a massive dinner with a pudding at lunchtime â I have done this a few times recently, and felt jolly uncomfortable for the rest of the day.
Open a packet of Hobnob biscuits when you’re on a diet – One will never be enough!
Flap your hands when a bee approaches â I know bees can be scary but they just wonât hurt you if you walk away. Apparently, they get really narked if you flap around like some mad crazy person because they’ll think you want to kill them.
Take your phone into the bath â A few people I know have ruined their phones by dropping them during a long soak. Itâs slippery in there, donât do it!
Wear an ill- fitting bra for any length of time â One of the worst feelings in the world. Youâll be uncomfortable all day. Get the right fit for your scoobydoos.
Accept a friend request from a stranger on Facebook â I did this recently and unfortunately had my account hacked. Beware!
Divulge to anyone a piece of private information given to you in trust from a friend â A true friend would never do this.
Lend someone a book, CD or an item of clothing if you actually want it back. (Iâm sorry Louise, I still have âLord of the Ringsâ)
Drive in wet shoes â My uncle did this years ago and crashed his car. No one was injured thankfully, but it is a very risky thing to do. If your shoes are wet, wipe the underneath with a cloth before you turn on the engine or your feet might be slipping all over the pedals.
Walk down the stairs without using a handrail â I am the worst person for falling over. I use the handrail like Iâm clinging on for dear life, which I am.
Use a grass Strimmer without wearing goggles or glasses â Those pesky shards of grass really hurt. Ouch!! Also, do not replace the little nylon twine-thing that cuts the grass but wears out every 10 minutes with a jerry-rigged piece of wire coat hanger in order to create am indestructible super-strimmer. It will indeed cut through grass, trees, bushes, the neighbour’s fence and anything it meets, but only until the motor explodes in flames.
Stroke a sleeping cat â If I stroke my cat when sheâs sleeping sheâll try and rip my hand to shreds. Some cats are placid though, so it depends on their personality. My cat has issues!
Laugh at a joke that you donât get â  your pride will be in ruins. The joke teller will undoubtedly ask you if you âgotâ it, and youâll have to admit you didnât, because the joke teller will ask you to explain the joke. Just donât go down this route, ever. If you donât get the joke just say at the end âI donât get it!â âŚPhewâŚ
Have an extra glass of wine when you know youâve had enough â If you do, youâll be lying on your bed in the evening scared to close your eyes because the room will be spinning. Itâs not worth it.
Shave your legs without foam or soap â Rashes and soreness galore.
Say you can play an instrument when you canât â On one very unfortunate embarrassing day in the future, someone will place the said instrument in your lap and ask you to play it, and you wonât be able to. Youâll be blowing that trumpet with a face like a giant red beetroot and youâll be struggling to breathe.
Use an exercise ball to do sit ups â Apart from looking like a total idiot, you will end up in a heap on the floor and your back will be buggered. I know, itâs happened to me.
Go on a boat trip on a choppy sea â This happened a few years ago on a day trip around the Greek island of Zante. It was absolutely awful. The sea was rocking and rolling, the fumes were billowing out the exhaust (or whatever itâs called), and I felt sick throughout. Go when itâs calm, if you must.
Walk for more than 200 metres in a new pair of shoes â Iâve done this more times than Iâve had hot dinners. You will have sore red blisters for weeks.
Have a very short haircut after having long hair â The shock is just too much, and you canât put it back. Go for mid-length and get used to it.
Finally, do not make eye contact with a man whilst eating a banana. Especially my man.
X Pip
